also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
