Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
