I wanna bring you to show and tell
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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