I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
