Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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