Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
