I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
