I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
