I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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