sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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