yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
