Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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