i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
