Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
