I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
