My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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