Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
