Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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