just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I have already put on my inside pants.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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