I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
