Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
