I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
