I'm really into asian looking animals
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
