Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
