If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
