U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
