perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
