Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
