I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
