What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
In other news, I just burned my penis
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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