My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
