i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
