What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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