walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
