I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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