have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
