He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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