I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
