it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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