ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
