i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
