what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
