why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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