sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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