Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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