I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
