Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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