yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dicks are not precious.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
