I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
