When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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