Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
