You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
