i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
