the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
