rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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